Last month we looked at the inner critic and I provided ways to help reduce its power and your engagement with it. Another effective way to disengage from your inner critic is to tap into the strength of your inner coach.

What is an inner coach? An inner coach is a part of you that is full of wisdom, care, compassion and advice. It helps you to problem solve, motivate and support you throughout various situations in life.

The inner coach can be extremely useful, non-biased and genuinely wants to get your needs met in the most compassionate way. Below is an example of the difference in interaction between your inner critic and inner coach. Let’s take the example from last month, about the presentation that isn’t finished.

Inner critic: “you need to spend at least another couple of hours on this presentation, the graphics are precise, the bullet points are too long, and the colour scheme isn’t consistent. Why can’t you just think about these things from the beginning, so we don’t have to spend so much time correcting it now. You need to be more creative, these slides are rubbish, maybe it would be easier to just start over…”

Inner coach: “okay, I know you aren’t 100% satisfied with how the presentation looks but the content is exceptional, really informative points you’re making. Let’s take 10-15 minutes to google ways to improve the creativeness of a presentation and see what simple methods we can adopt. Then next time I will be more knowledgeable, and the design will look better from the start.”

Everybody has an inner coach, although some will be more active than others. The more you use it, the more effective it will become – just like training a muscle in the gym. Your inner coach can be based on a coach or role model you’ve had in the past. Here are some examples of the qualities a coach / role model should have, empathy, great listening skills, open, friendly, and knowledgeable etc. Your inner coach can also be a part of you, you may have used these previously listed skills with friends, colleagues or family members. Often, people have an inner coach as part of them, but they haven’t used it with themselves because their inner critic is too powerful. If this is true for you, I would try to identify what the obstacles are that stop you using the inner coach for yourself. Or it could be that this is unfamiliar to you and then I would recommend starting with a coach / role model you have had in the past to base your inner coach on.

I have helped clients in the past with how to access their inner coach and mapping out what qualities their inner coach has strengths in. There is also a tool I use to help anchor the inner coach, meaning that my client’s access to it is faster and strengthens over time. In simple terms though, try giving your inner coach a symbol – maybe a colour, a character, a theme tune, that represents the qualities of your inner coach. The more accessible your inner coach is, the more motivated and likely you are to use it. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes and soon your inner coach will become your default over your inner critic.

Next time you notice your inner critic, just stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what would my inner coach say / do?” Start to invite your inner coach to the mix and see what a positive difference it can make.

Please feel free to get into contact with me if you need extra support and guidance.

Rachel